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You do not need to memorize the words.
Instrumental version starts here
It says here...
The average unmarried female
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words
Just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense,
Shows a neurotic tendency
See note? Oh...note
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye,
The ear and the nose and throat
In other words, just from worrying whether the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough
When they get on the train for Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!
A person can develop la grippe
La post nasal drip
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip!
From the lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting to old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!